THE DAY OF FESTIVUS; AND WHEN THE DAY OF FESTIVUS WAS FULLY COME THEY WERE ALL IN DISCORD WITH ONE ANOTHER AND SUDDENLY THERE CAME A SOUND FROM ALL THE SEATS AS OF A MIGHTY GUSHING WIND, AND IT FILLED ALL THE HOUSE WHERE THEY WERE IS SITTNG. AND THERE APPEARED TO ONE OF THEM AS A HEATED RECTUM THAT LIKE AS OF FIRE, AND A RANCOROUS SMELL FELL UPON ALL OF THEM. THEN THEY WERE ALL FILLY WITH A PROFANE SPIRIT, AND BEGAN TO SPEAK WITH VILE TONGUES AS THE SPIRIT GAVE THEM FLATULENCE.
