A MAN WAKES UP AND FINDS HIMSELF IN A HOSPITAL ROOM, ONE WITH ONLY HIMSELF IN IT. HE HAS NO RECOLLECTION OF HOW HE GOT THERE. WHILE PONDERING IT, HIS BEDSIDE PHONE RINGS, AND HE ANSWERS IT. A DOCTOR ON THE OTHER END IDENTIFIES HIMSELF, AND TELLS THE MAN: "I HAVE REALLY BAD NEWS. YOU'RE VERY SICK. AFTER YOUR COLLAPSE YESTERDAY, WE ORDERED SEVERAL TESTS, AND GOT THE RESULTS BACK THIS MORNING. I'M AFRAID YOU HAVE AVAIN FLU, EBOLA, AND YOU'RE POSITIVE FOR HIV AND HEPATITIS." STUNNED, THE MAN ASKS "WELL, WHAT'S NEXT!? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?" THE DOC REPLIES: "WELL, FOR STARTERS, WE'RE PUTTING YOU ON A STRICT DIET OF ONLY PIZZA." THE PATIENT ASKS: "WILL THAT REALLY HELP ME, DOCTOR?" "NO", THE DOC RESPONDS. "BUT IT'S ALL WE CAN FIT UNDER THE DOOR."
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