Not a rant.
I remember in 2023 how quickly I moved on without feeling hurt or anything in class. I just found her peaceful nature attractive, her presence next to me filled something in me. And when I proposed quickly and early, she didn't say anything and was just bit uncomfortable, her friends told me she doesn't want a boyfriend. I just quickly changed my path, didn't bother her, didn't ask for anything, I gave her space and minded my own business. It's not that I didn't even care about her, I simply don't make anyone uncomfortable if they feel like it because of me, that's just awful from me. A simple truth. 🤷♂️
But now my dumbass in 2025?
I was constantly overwhelmed by thoughts of someone who clearly didn't want me. Someone who I was always willing to help and give care, that girl gave me mixed signals and I even spent money on little gifts. She slowly revealed her flaws and I even accepted it, thinking I could change her way of thinking, but no. I just wasted my energy on someone who had big ego. I was just friend-zoned, and even pushed away because I was "stalker" to her and even "manipulated" her, yet still being with random guys who clearly had bad intentions. While I only wanted best for her, I just didn't want to see fall in the abyss of today's generation - emos, freaky, hoes, and other shit. But in the end, she did. I seriously was hurt thinking she would he a better person but now I realized God only pushed me away to protect my inner peace.
It took me so long to realize, but the girls who have bad relationship with father are the worst type of girls. I will never get hurt if someone doesn't want to be with me. But seeing someone's daughter become something I never expected her to be, hurts more than that. And the girl I liked in 2023? She didn't change. Even if her dad died when she was young, she still remained the disciplined and matured girl as I thought she was, and that's why I will never hate her, I thank her mom instead.
