I just called them and said “Hello, hello hello? Uh... I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um... I actually worked in that office before you. I'm...finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact, so... ..I know it can be a bit overwhelming. But I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week, okay? Uh, let's see. First there's an introductory greeting from the company, that I'm supposed to read. Uh, i-it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, "Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or a person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon as property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced." Blah blah blah. Now that might sound bad, I know. But there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here... ..do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect. Right? Okay. So just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night. Uh... something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was "The Bite of '87." Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?
Uh now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours, probably won't recognize you as a person. So they will, uh, likely kill you, we don’t want that. So, um, try your best to get through your first week, alright? Goodnight.” Like the f**king phone guy from fnaf
