Look, in the internet. Nobody cares about what happens to you irl. most of the time if they do, they can’t do anything about it. You wanting to do all these stuff just to make yourself “happy” and get away with things in your life you can’t handle them cry about it.
People don’ care what happens to you, they just want results and the result you’re having is complete ass. Going through some shit in life doesn’t mean you can do stuff that’ll make things worst. Honestly, I do feel bad for you and what you’ve been doing and it’s just sad.
Fix your life outside of the internet first then you can come back. Like you say “it’s really hard to deal with” maybe because you’re not doing good shit in your life?
Fix your life, get better friends, participate something other than social media. Smh