DOHHHHHH BIG BOWL OF SAUERKRAUT!!!

The original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE37e1eK2mY

Why'd i make this...

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy Living in a box under the stairs In the corner of the basement of the house Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop... You know the place. Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was JUUUUUSSSST PEACHY!!!! Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning, My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast. Dawwwwwwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!!!!!! Every single morning!!! It was driving me crazy! I said to my mom I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?" And my dear, sweet mother... She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train, And she leaned right down next to me... And she said "It's good for you!!!!!!!!!!!" And then she tied me to the wall, and stuck a funnel in my mouth, And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut Until I was twenty six and a half years old! That's when I swore that someday... Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer, And the towels are oh so fluffy! Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel! Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah! Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true! Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt. I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize! That's right, a first class one-way ticket.. to A-A-A-Albuquerque! A-A-A-Albuquerque! aw yeah.

You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large
Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?
'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ahh
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's okay, they're clean!
Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC
And I turned on the Spectra Vision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very
Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be?
I say, "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"Who is it?"
They're not sayin' anything
So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I'm like, "Hey, you can't have that!
That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!"
And he's like, "Tough"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And he's like, "Make me"
And I'm like, "'K"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes, indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all
The phone got knocked off the hook
And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said
It said
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If y

...ou need help, hang up and then dial you operator!" "If you'd like to make a call, please ahng up and try again! If you need help, hang up, and then dial your operator!" IN AAAAALBUQUERQUE!!!!! AAAAAAALBUQUERQUE!!!!