I need to clear something up right now because the rumors are getting out of hand. I had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11. I don’t even know how these accusations started. I wasn’t in New York. I wasn’t on a plane. I don’t even like heights. In fact, I was home that day eating dorito. Do I look like the kind of person who could orchestrate something so elaborate? I can’t even parallel park, let alone coordinate… you know what, I’m not even going to finish that sentence because it’s ridiculous. I have receipts, alibis, and witnesses to prove my innocence. Look, I get it. People want answers. But pointing fingers at me? The audacity. Focus on the real culprits. I’m just a guy trying to live my life, not a mastermind plotting international incidents. Please, let’s all move on.
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