I am going to force you to eat a red onion

It tastes good tbh

I will take the bottom of a razor scooter and attach it to the blade of a lawn mower so it sticks out the side, then I will tie you to a chair with your shins tied down to the chair legs. I will put the lawnmower at a very slow speed and turn it on so it will slowly inch towards your shins with a motorized spinning razor scooter

and what tf would I do about it?

Shin hurty