so am I. I kinda wish I was joking though. wouldn't matter anyway, life is more of a joke than anything. The world sucks man. It screwed me up, now I'm leaving it for good. the last time somebody was good to us, we killed him after he suggested that we would be good to each other. It happens to everybody good. Life is just a dog-eat-dog reality. Anybody that says to be nice, gets killed. just like Jesus, martin luther king, Mother Teresa, and everybody else. yet some people just realize, it's not worth it. Life is a shitty concept when you think about all of the tragedies that have happened, and a dark and endless void wouldn't be too bad. solidarity, and silence, seem like the best option to me. And when my family says "But we would miss you!", I just think, you're the people that hated me the most. The people that I hated the most though, my family didn't care enough to ask me about. they didn't care when I came home with makeup on my face to hide a black eye, they didn't care that I had 2 minutes to put it on and that it looked horrible. they took me to the therapist, the psychiatrist. but wait, Only my mom did. because she was the only one that cared about me (except for some friends). yet none of them know much about anything involving me. they don't care that I have 16 attempts, they don't care that I have to wear sweaters in summer. My summers are horrible. The dried blood attaching to my sweater at 120 degrees Fahrenheit, They didn't care when I had to throw up in the toilet to care about myself. They didn't care that I had to worry every night about crying too loud. They didn't care when I didn't take my meds. They didn't even notice that all of the Benedryl, Advil, nyquil, or any of it was gone. They never cared. I can't do it anymore. I can't. I just started a band too, they never asked why I wasn't there with my guitar, writing lyrics about my trauma, they never asked about any of it. they just gave me looks and played on, while I was holding my tear-stained lyric sheet in front of me because I couldn't even remember my name. I'm about to break up with my boyfriend too. great how things play out in the worst times. He wasn't abusive, just didn't work out. I'm poly, he isn't. I'm hypersexual, he isn't. never worked out. I'm going mute so these are probably my last words. deleting my account tomorrow so bye. if you want my full name just ask it before 8 pm tomorrow. love you all.
- Jude, the f**king stupid femboy.
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