First I must apologize for my sudden disappearance. Things seem to happen in real life that make Robert Crispy wonder if he shouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
First I must apologize for my sudden disappearance. I am very sorry if i happened to have frightened you all, but not to worry! I am back.
Secondly, there have been some rumors being spread about the suspicions of Crispy Crisps™. What did I tell you all about the rumors? They are not TRUE. NONE OF THEM. S̶H̶E̶ ̶D̶O̶E̶S̶ ̶N̶O̶T̶ ̶L̶I̶K̶E̶ ̶I̶T̶. I DO NOT LIKE IT. Apparently there have been certain glitches with the Crisp Club Stream, like letters being hinbeing tsmismatched, so i am very glad to announce that A CRISP CLUB WEBSITE IS IN THE WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE H
H H H H H H E
Thank you for reading! Are YOU excited for the Crisp Club website?
Ah, what a pity! My Crispy Crisps™ are one of the most delicious things you would have ever tasted in your PATHETIC LIFETIME. HahahahAHAHAH!!!!! That was a joke. You could tell it was a joke, right? Oh god what was that
Neverwho Nevermind! It was no one. No one is there, its alright Robert! Everything is going to be alright, Robert! They're coming after me. NO, NO ONE IS! NO. THEY. AREN'T.
Wonderful Ideas
Would you like to be cut inside of a machine into thin slices, processed and cooked, then packaged and put inside of a bag just to be mindlessly eaten with it not even registering what flavor you are to my loyal consumers who are devouring you because of their addiction to MY Crispy Crisps™? I am in complete and total control of what happens in my factories and I don't have to tell another living soul what happened to you. No one would question me or even CONSIDER me as a suspect in your mysterious disappearance, all because of my very status in the Chip Industry. I am the one in control here, NOT you; Is that clear?
..Haha, just kidding of course! I do not condone cannibalism, nor have I practiced it--I understand this newer generation tells insults and threats to each other to show affection, so I appreciate it!
Many of you might have seen this image posted of me being 'arrested.' And...well, i have a few things to say about it.
Number One; I am perfectly well, and i am NOT currently writing this from jail. I am a free man and I will remain that way, because I follow the law. I have never done something illegal before in my entire life. The reason why this image exists is because they mistook me for my step-brother, Marc, who has committed several accounts of theft and aggravated assault.
Number Two; I was NOT enjoying it. It was NOT kinky. I did NOT moan, and i am NOT a so-called 'Whimperer.' Nothing about this was sexual, I was just being bent over a car! Preposterous is the word I would use to describe all of this.
Number Three; I wholeheartedly apologize that you all had to see this horrible image. However, I promise I am alright now AND I didn't enjoy a single moment of it. At all.
Please don't call me fruity or zesty.
