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Truth. | WHEN YOUR SPOUSE FORGOT ABOUT THE LOVE AND CHERISH PART IN THE WEDDING VOWS. | image tagged in nixieknox,memes,marriage,love,lonliness | made w/ Imgflip meme maker
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232 views, 13 upvotes, Made by Nixie.Knox 6 months ago in Just_Remain_Calm nixieknoxmemesmarriagelovelonliness
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5 ups, 6m,
1 reply
I'm sorry you're going through a rough time Nixie, especially since you're still having to deal with the loss of your mother. Is your husband just not supportive or he's hard to communicate with. Communication is so important. If he can't hear how you really feel or if you can't be open with him is there another way to let him know perhaps through writing? I'll say a prayer for you both. Hugs. Miss you!
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5 ups, 6m,
2 replies
He is an emotionless hole. And impossible to communicate with as well. IF I can get him to listen to me for a second or two, he shrugs and goes about his business. I don't worry so much about it anymore. But now and then I do feel the weight f life and wish it was different around here. In which case I vent to people who do seem to care. It helps.
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4 ups, 6m,
1 reply
Has it always been that way? Or he's changed from the man you married? I'm guessing you've been married awhile. I've only been a short time so can't claim to offer any good advice. I know a little about the emotional absence. I could never open up to my parents growing up. Mom was disconnected on account of always being depressed I guess from being abused herself as a child. Is your husband depressed? I know guys express emotions differently from women. My husband in fact shows just about no emotion but it's a cultural thing. Nigerians mostly keep to themselves. In fact I was so dissappionted when I told him we were expecting our first baby and it was like I told him I was wearing blue socks. I try to just accept that's the way he is. But in your case your husband at least needs to show he cares and listen. Do you have any friend IRL you can confide in?
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4 ups, 6m,
1 reply
He was always that way. I was too blind to see it until I was stuck with it o. You know the old human flaw of not seeing the forest for the trees. He isn't depressed. He just isn't equipped in that department. Well, unless it's HIS needs that don't get met. Then suddenly he cares if I'm not on top of things.

I have about 2 people that offer to be a listening ear, though they aren't really people I actually see in life. They are people who I was friends with in my teens and twenties that I see around Facebook. I usually just talk about my trouble in here. Neo was always my safety net when the going was tough. He helped me immensely. I usually just stay on auto pilot. Every now and then I feel like I need to release a little pressure. So the friends I have here are always good for encouragement.
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4 ups, 6m,
1 reply
I haven't seen Neo much lately, hope he's ok. Is your husband a church goer at all? Can you hit him over the head with some Bible versus about "husbands love your wives as Christ lives the church and gave himself up for her"?
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4 ups, 6m,
1 reply
He is an atheist. He doesn't do the "I have to fix it": thing. He genuinely doesn't want to hear anything from me on most any subject. Be it my health, my worries, or anything else. I do not expect to change him, I just hope to emerge from this in a mental and emotional state that will someday allow me to find happiness elsewhere. In the meantime I just want to raise my kids. They need my presence.
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5 ups, 6m,
1 reply
There There Dog | I'M SORRY | image tagged in there there dog | made w/ Imgflip meme maker
I wish we were closer so we could pray and cry together over a cup of tea. I'm sorry. It must feel so lonely at times. You are one of the strongest women I know and you are raising strong daughters. I know you're a woman of faith. Pray for your husband that someday he might have a change of heart and respect you for the beautiful woman you are. Most of all that he might know the love of God. You can't give love when its absent in your heart. I'll pray for the same. *Hugs* love you <3
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4 ups, 6m
Thank you. šŸ’™
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3 ups, 6m
I have come to understand too that when men hear about a problem they go into "I have to fix it" mode like when they hear a rattle in the car. It's all about finding a method and fixing it. But women aren't cars and men forget this but still try to give advice like well if you do this then,
this will happen. They often shut down if the woman just wants them to respond emotionally.
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5 ups, 6m,
1 reply
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5 ups, 6m,
2 replies
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[deleted]
3 ups, 6m
Respect my lady
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[deleted]
3 ups, 6m,
1 reply
Why doi see you much
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4 ups, 6m,
1 reply
What? I am not sure what you are saying. Looks like the comment was cut off.
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3 ups, 6m,
1 reply
Oh my bad. Why dont i see you much in the comments
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4 ups, 6m,
1 reply
Yeah, I have been trying to get back at it but my creativity is suffering these days.
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[deleted]
1 up, 6m
Same but also i have ideas
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3 ups, 6m
God loves you, and so do I. Been worried about you a bit, I guess it was justified, I'm so sorry you're in the brambles right now...we're here for you. Hugz
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3 ups, 6m,
1 reply
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this on top of losing your mom. Don't know your entire situation or anything but I can only share my experience. I had been married 15 years and had four children with my ex. The job I used to have was very demanding and hard on my body as well as home life since I often got stuck working late. Lost my father to bone cancer in 2013 and I had a hard time coping so I buried myself at work. She figured it out but offered no help, just the words "get over your dad's death or I'm leaving you." I loved her or so I thought I did. I sucked it up and never really grieved properly. Deep down, I resented her. I didn't realize I was doing it but I wasn't very nice anymore. Neither was she. I have gone to counseling several times since the divorce and learned that she was a controlling narcissist. We divorced in 2016. It took 2 years because she was so greedy and was hell bent on making me pay. When she couldn't do that she tried taking my kids away. That was it. That was all I could take. Luckily I got that reversed. It was hard accepting the divorce in the beginning. I thought we'd grow old together. The further I distanced myself the more I realized just how toxic she was. There's SO MUCH more that I don't have room to say but I became happy again. My mom got to see me happy again before she passed. People who have known me for years have said I'm back to my old self prior to marriage to her. Above all, my own kids had to relearn me without their mom. A temper that is now nearly non-existent whereas before I was so angry all the time. It was her.

I'm not trying to sway you one way or the other but you need to consider options for the sake of mental health. Also your children. Yes, separating from their father would be difficult but if the home environment isn't healthy because you've stayed together what long term effects would it have on them? Would it teach them the wrong ideas of what a good marriage should be. They need to know what it should not be.

Don't bible thump him either. You've already told us his views but nothing shuts down communication like a "you, you, you-wrong, wrong, wrong" style of communicating. There is such a thing as emotional alienation accepted by the courts as grounds for divorce. Believe it or not, the bible gives grounds for divorce as well but we're not going there. Again, without knowing your entire situation and your understanding that I'm not a marriage counselor or licensed therapist....
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3 ups, 6m,
1 reply
Take what I say with a grain of salt.

Try to open lines of communication back up. Ask him about his day. If it wasn't a positive response, ask why it was bad. Start off small. Like dating again. Be prepared for him to not ask or care about your day. It's the first step in regaining your footing. If subtlety is not his forte then straight up ask him where he sees you all in a year, 5 years, 20 years. Ask him if he still feels the same, or how he feels about the marriage. If he blows you off or belittles you and your emotions, leave it be. Maybe find some reading material on saving a marriage. PLEASE NOTE, IF IT'S THE EFFORT OF ONLY ONE PERSON IT WILL NOT WORK. You will need to start accepting losses. Do your sure diligence so you can, with an honest heart, say, "I tried. Goddammit, I tried."

I have found the one whom my soul loves. My second time around is amazing. If anything should ever happen to my wife now, I would not remarry. She has ruined me for others. No other woman can ever meet her standards. We have amazing emotional reconnections at our little nook table in the kitchen. If you want our advice, she's amazing. Let me know and I'll help you find her through Facebook and we'll go from there. (I don't have Facebook.)

Be strong for your kiddos, Nixie. ā¤
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2 ups, 6m,
1 reply
Correction:
Do your due diligence so you can, with an honest heart, say, "I tried. Goddammit, I tried."

Phucken autocorrect
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3 ups, 6m,
1 reply
I recall you mentioning the previous wife and all her insanity. The worst thing about getting mixed up with a narcissist is the fact that we never realize that is what they are until we're in that deep. They have a way of putting a person over a slow boil don't they? I have had similar experiences with narcissists in my own experiences. They get easier t spot the more you deal with them for sure!

Where my kids are concerned... I feel a strong need to make sure they get the best up bringing I am capable of. We do not have fights around here at the very least. I keep all my anger and frustration to myself. I have learned that trying to talk just leads to problems and makes me more miserable. So I float through the days doing my best not to think or feel too much. There aren't any passive aggressive comments in passing or spiteful actions or any of that. I also want them to respect their dad. Too many women bad mouth the father to the kids and play these kinds of games. I am pretty serious about the kids not suffering along with me, so none of that ever happens.

I do ask about his day, and try to listen when he inevitably talk about it. He is always telling me things that happen on the job. Most of it I do not understand. His work can be a little hard to understand unless you are the one doing it. But I listen anyway. I know how it feels to need to vent about the rough day. We had a massive patch of turbulence some years ago. Mostly it came from my attempts at talking. I mean reasonably, not just jabbing and nagging him. Honestly trying to communicate. I felt like all I did was beg for love that I would never receive.I finally told him "I am turning it off. Don't expect any more effort from me." It was the darkest time in my life. I shut my feeling off and have not turned them on again since. Though now I struggle in any situation in which a I would need to use my feelings. I think I buried them so deep I can never unearth them again. But I did try. I tried my damndest. Even if he ever says I didn't, I know that I did. I will never bring it up to him again in this lifetime

I do okay most of the time though. I have my moments of wishing it was better here. So it all comes and goes. .
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4 ups, 6m,
1 reply
Kudos to you in not poisoning kids against him. My ex tried that but my actions and love proved louder than her forked tongue poisonings.

You do you. Only you know you and what you can endure. But don't lose yourself in the process.
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4 ups, 6m,
2 replies
The way I see it is, men get enough bashing from the snowflakes. What with all the toxic masculinity BS. The man don't love me, but by golly he does bring home the bacon. We have a house, food, clothes, and plenty of non-necessities thanks to him. I make sure to point that out to them when the need arises. I couldn't sleep at night if I allowed my kids to think poorly of the one who is supporting the entire family.
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4 ups, 6m
The world needs more women like you. Thank you and thanks to all who share in this mentality. Let me say this though, everyone deserves to be loved, needed and wanted. Don't deny yourself that.
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3 ups, 6m,
1 reply
I might not agree with my ex on certain matters but I certainly do not lead the kids astray from their mom. My opinion of her does not matter, what matters is that she is their mom and be a good mom to them. We'd get along so well if she wasn't so bitter and full of hatred towards me. (She wanted the divorce.)
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3 ups, 6m,
1 reply
That's good of you. I know the kids definitely see these things for themselves and when they grow up they look back on it. We have to lead by example in these things.
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2 ups, 6m
Man, it's like talking to my mom again. Both my mom and Kristi (Kristi was my girlfriend in the beginning and saw me through hell) kept telling me the kids will see through my ex's vindictive nature and narcissistic personality. My youngest daughter sees it now and wants nothing to do with her mom. You talk about difficulty in making the child go to their mom's house when it's mom's parenting time, wow.
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3 ups, 6m,
1 reply
Iā€™m not usually a big fan of the renewals. I could see where it might be helpful.
I wish you well šŸ™‚
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4 ups, 6m,
1 reply
In hindsight I see this. Reckon a round of cast iron over the head would be just as good?šŸ˜‚
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3 ups, 6m,
1 reply
Perhaps a little ironing is in order, lol :-)
I hope for the best for you <3
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4 ups, 6m
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